I was born in 1959, so my first Batman was Adam West. Let me tell you, when I was six years old that show was ‘it.’ Now that I am older I love to watch it because I laugh out loud at how serious I took it as a kid, and at the jokes that flew over my innocent 6 year old head. The Adam West Batman series was so utterly bad, that it was genius.
Not sure exactly what year it was but I am thinking 8 to 10 years ago, the 30th Anniversary Dukes of Hazzard Festival was being held on the infield at the Atlanta Raceway. We had some friends from Britain who jumped the pond so we could take them to the festival. The Duke Boys were being rerun in England at the time and were a huge hit. So we went on a miserably hot Georgia summer afternoon. There was no shade, no beer and it was in a word, aweful. Atlanta is an international city. Being gay and living in Atlanta is a great place to be but get outside the highway belt and it is a different story. The Atlanta Raceway is at the crossroads of Bum-Fuck Nowhere and You-Gotta-Purdy-Mouthville. Two gay guys and a straight British couple did not fit the profile of typical fans at the festival.
All that aside, among the celebrities signing autographs were Adam West and Julie Numar. To make sure the day wasn’t a total loss I got in line to meet Batman and Catwoman. The problem was Catwoman wasn’t there. In here place was Lee Meriwether. Now I know that Lee played Catwoman as did Ertha Kitt. Both ladies were lovely but let’s face it; Julie was Catwoman … period.
When I got about 5 feet from Adam West, his handler stepped right in front of me and said, “$50 for an autograph, $25 if you want to chat with Adam for a few minutes and another $25 to shake his hand. Now I know these guys need to make a living but damn. $100 to walk up, say hello and get an autograph. I am a veteran of many DragonCons and other Cons and that was a bit steep. I looked at his handler and asked, “I am not even allowed to talk to him while he signs an autograph unless I pay him?” And his handler said, “No you pay me or this is as close as you get and if he wants to talk to you two he will.” That really pissed me off but I bit my toungue and reached into my pocket and counted out 5 twenty dollar bills. I started to hand them over but decided to pull them back. “I think I will pass. I apparently made a mistake.” The handler looked at me and said ”You just stood in line for 40 minutes and now you are just walking away?” “Yeah I am.” I said and looked him straight in the face, “I was waiting to meet Batman and get Batman’s autograph, but this is just Adam West. Batman would never charge a good law-abiding citizen for a friendly greeting and a handshake. I pass.” and I stepped out of line. Incidentally so did almost everyone else. Adam West showed no visible reaction to what I said though he was close enough for me to reach out and touch. He just sat there signing pictures of himself in costume.
Four hours later ……
I was in the men’s room taking a piss. The men’s room in the Atlanta Raceway infield doesn’t have individual urinals. It has a long ‘watering’ trough along a wall with a mirror that starts at the top of the trough and goes up to the ceiling and runs the length of the trough. If you are ‘Pee-Shy’ it is your worst nightmare. If you are standing and pissing in the trough you can see clearly in the mirror everyone else who is pissing in the trough and what they are pissing with. Only real men piss here. The men’s room also just happened to be right behind the curtain backdrop where Adam West was signing autographs. I had just broken the seal and settled into a good flow when Adam West came barging in and shouldered me over to get to the urinal while he was frantically working his zipper, (apparently a bit of a prostate issue I guessed). When he started pissing, I started chuckling.
Adam West looked at me and said, “So you find this amusing?” to which I replied “Are you kidding? 50 dollars for an autograph, another 50 dollars to shake your hand and chat with you, but I get to stand here and watch you take a piss for free. I find that most amusing.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and a hint of a smile crossed his face, “I can see your point good citizen.” he said. As I was zipping up, he said, “Did you still want an autograph?” “No. that’s okay.” I replied. “I stood here and watched you take a piss and that is priceless.” I washed my hands, and dried them and as I went out the door I said, “Besides, I learned today that, my dick is bigger than Batman’s. Yay for me!”
About three months later at DragonCon in Atlanta …….
As is our DragonCon custom Joey and I got to the Hall of Fame early to get autographs from celebrities before the crowd crushes in and overwhelms everyone. While we were walking around, I noticed Adam West sitting all by himself looking straight at me. His face was expressionless but he took his pen and pointed to the sign above and behind him. It said, “$20 per Autograph.” I smiled and nodded and started to walk over but a group of people swarmed his table just then so I put it off. I regret that now.
I always meant to get his autograph after but never did. I never saw Adam West again. It just sort of worked out that way. So all I have is this true tale to tell and I am sure there will be many out there who refuse to believe it.
Regardless, I hope you enjoyed it. R.I.P. Batman aka. Mr. Adam West. yours was a life well lived.
Daddy Ken